George Hutchins is running for for a congressional seat in North Carolina’s 4th district. But that’s not the best part. The best part is his website; it’s fucking crazy! Actually, it’s not just crazy, it’s insane. He’s one of those guys who puts every idea he’s ever had onto a single page and then swears there’s more space to add a YouTube video.
This random picture on Hutchins’ site of Mister Bojangles dancing with Shirley Temple is proof of, um, well, I don’t know. But it’s proof of something racial!:
Plus, he hates blacks, gays, homosexuals and apparently everyone who is not Jesse Helms. And he loves television shows that aren’t on the air anymore.
Check out this passage from his bio:
“Today September 27, 2009, I replied by e-mail to a North Carolina Republican Party Chairman, who was so shaken up by the fact, THE GEORGE HUTCHINS 2010 CAMPAIGN dared to compare his Leader, Barack Hussein Obama, to Sanford and Son.”
“IF this Cowardly Rabbit, fails to change his tone, I will campaign in 2010, in addition to, running for U.S. Congress in 2010, WILL ALSO, campaign to have this Fake Republican Coward, which he is now, and all FAKE REPUBLICAN COWARDS like him, removed from ALL key North Carolina Republican Party Offices.”
“IF, the Left-Wing Liberal Democrats would have compared JOHN MCCAIN to ARCHIE BUNKER, who JOHN MCCAIN resembles, No One would have said anything.”
“IF, I were to be compared to AL BUNDY of “Married With Children,” or the BEATLES’ Drummer, RINGO STAR, or the BEATLES’ guitarist, GEORGE HARRISON, by the Left-Wing Liberal Democrats, who some say, I resemble, No One would say NOTHING either.”
“This is playing the RACE CARD and a WRONGFUL DOUBLE STANDARD, where NOT ONLY can a Person of Color, Call any White Person any implied INSULT he wants, but if this victimized White Person stands up against this wrongful aggression, he is labeled as a RACIST, BIGOT, or NAZI, which leads to UNJUST PENALTIES for each victim, of these Unjust Countless Ridiculous RACE CARD WRONGFUL DOUBLE STANDARDS.”
“The RACE CARD does NOT work, once the IDIOTS are EXPOSED.”
Here’s a picture of a typical page from his site:
That’s pretty crazy and clusterfucky, but as you scroll down, the screen becomes more cluttered and manifesto-like.
Oh no he didn’t just namedrop Davey Crockett!!
This one is my favorite:
Notice the Sodom & Gomorrah reference with the Indiana Jones font. When he does that, along with his references to Archie Bunker and Sanford and Son, I’m 90 percent positive he’s trying to relate to the kids. That’s endearing as all shit, which is why I would vote for George Hutchins if I lived in North Carolina.
Another one of his ideas is that the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was bogus.
In between “Stay with our American “Roots”” and “Separation of Church and State” is the idea that we should only have to tolerate minorities if we want to. It’s like that episode of Sanford and Son where Lamont takes Fred Sanford to the Chinese restaurant and Fred says, “I can’t eat here. I can’t eat that Chink food!” And he doesn’t have to because he’s in America and nobody should have to eat Chink food if there’s a perfectly good hot dog stand nearby.
Speaking of that, Hutchins really wants to get across his hatred for gays. Which is why he posts pictures of himself traveling to Europe with his little mustache and a ravenous look in his eye–at a Roman-style bath house in England.
I was so infatuated with George Hutchins and his crazy-ass website that I wrote him a letter:
I’m sure THE George Hutchins won’t have time to respond, but maybe someone just as American and/or great who is working closely with him can help me.
I’m a huge fan of George Hutchins, but I have to say, the Web site looks like it was made by a serial killer who is stuck in 1982. Actually, it kind of reminds me of a manifesto from a disgruntled high school student who is about to fly off the handle and murder all his classmates. Or, now that I think about it, it looks like one of those sites where I can order a Russian prostitute and have her delivered to my home. Not that I’ve done that.
Also, why does Mr. Hutchins have to invite Blacks, Asians and Spanish people to participate in his campaign? We already knew that we were invited to participate in the voting process. The civil rights act ensured that. However, when I scroll down further on your site (which, by the way, looks like a Vegas slot machine), I see that Mr. Hutchins refers to the piece of legislation (that allowed low people like me to share water fountains with great and immortal men like you) as the “so-called Civil Rights Act,” which connotes a bit of hesitance. So when you say that minorities can join you, do you just mean to clean your bathrooms and tend to your barn and stuff like that? If so, you almost got me!
Anyway, I wish you luck on the campaign and hope that together we can win the culture war.
Thank You for contacting George Hutchins For U.S. Congress 2010 Campaign. We will be in touch with you soon.GEORGE HUTCHINS IS THE REPUBLICAN WHO CAN BEAT “DAVID PRICE” IN 2010