225px-Rush_Limbaugh_at_CPAC_(2009)Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh was a huge fat person who hated liberals, blacks, Jews, Mexicans and apparently himself, because he stuffed himself full of deadly amounts of hamburgers and pills until his heart could no longer take the punishment. He lived the life of Chris Farley, except that he wasn’t funny and nobody liked him.

Actually, that last part isn’t true. A lot of people liked him, but they were all anonymous racist commenters on newspaper websites, so they could not be tracked.

Limbaugh was known to rile things up by making racist statements and then pretending he didn’t say them. Here is something he didn’t say on one of his radio shows:

“Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?”

And he didn’t say this to a black caller that he couldn’t understand:

“Take that bone out of your nose and call me back.”

Actually, Limbaugh owned up to that statement. He even felt remorse for saying it. Well, he didn’t really own up to it, but he blamed it on Jeff Christie–the name Limbaugh used while he was on air in Pittsburgh.

When he said that Michael J. Fox was faking his Parkinson’s disease, he told Katie Couric later that his medication made him say it.

Either way, despite his gruff exterior and hateful demeanor, Limbaugh actually had a huge heart–a heart that he stuffed full of bacon grease and narcotics until it stopped like George Lopez at the Mexican/American border.

Vaya con dios!

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