Finally #1 at something

The guy who designed this website is mentally unstable and, perhaps, murderous, if given the chance. And a knife.

If I do something wrong to the site,  which I do almost every day, he’ll send me an email. Actually, it’s more like a ransom note. Like this:

Or this:

That red stuff, I think, is the blood of a newborn baby.

Anyway, he emailed me today to say that (thanks to celebrity endorsements) www.josh-fernandez.com is now ranked #1 on Google, which means that all you other Josh Fernandez imitators can get the schlong.

Yup, that means you, “aviator sunglasses and cliched writer pose Josh Fernandez”:

And you, too, “obese rapper Josh Fernandez”:

You, too, “inspirational youth leader Josh Fernandez”:

And even you, nerd “Josh Fernandez with paperwork in a European country”:

From now on, I am your king, your fearless leader, the man you will answer to when the name Josh Fernandez is questioned.

Got it?

Yours, truly,

“Getting raped by a Star Trek alien and liking it Josh Fernandez”