I was naked in bed reading Drudge Report, as I usually do (because, frankly, it reads better without pants on), when I came across this ad:

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To be honest, my first reaction was, “I’m not clicking that just because it tells me to.” But then I clicked it because I don’t have will power.

I watched West give a speech about how he grew up poor in Atlanta. He said he is successful because he “had the opportunity to be successful,” which makes sense, I guess. In his speech he was very proud of the fact that even as a poor black man, he did not rely on the government to aid his success.

It was done because I realized I was an American. And I had the freedom and ability to do that.

West explains how he became a success without the aid of government programs. You see, instead of relying on the government he joined the Army. And now that he doesn’t need the stupid government¬†West is running for U.S. Congress in Florida’s 22nd district.

The bottom line is: West’s speech was really long. And it was like listening to a grandpa go on and on about his army days and about how successful he is and what a loser I am. It was really boring.

So I’m still left wondering why 2 million conservatives watched Allen West on YouTube, like the Drudge Report ad said.

I have a hunch that it wasn’t his riveting speech at all. I think it had more to do with the fact that Allen West looks like Tracy Morgan playing old Bobby Brown. Which is hilarious.

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