1. White rappers.

370c62n7Stop it.

2. Bland rock

coldplayYou are the missionary position of music. You don’t fool me with your messy hair and alterna-pants; if there’s a possibility that my grandma might enjoy your music, then you are bland.

3. Retarded black people

Lil Wayne ArrestLil Wayne, T-Pain, Flavor Flave, Suge Knight, that fat fuck with the beard … The list goes on. I thought it couldn’t get more retarded than Lionel Ritchie, but 2009 is soaring to new heights of mental disability.

4. New Americana

TheWeight_500

So you’re trying to tell me that you’re a ramblin tough guy hardened by whiskey, women and the concrete stretch of road that you call your home? Didn’t you graduate sigma cum laude from Harvard? Aren’t you getting a master’s in sociology? Isn’t your dad the president of a goddamn hedge fund? Dick.

5. Your band

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Seriously. You guys sound like lepers fucking. It’s gross.

Josh Fernandez © 2021
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