Here’s the problem: Somebody sent me a link yesterday. The link took me to  this website and when I saw what was there I was like, “Holy shit.” And then I proceeded to think about the link for the rest of the night. And then I had fucked up dreams about the chubby guy from Blink 182 trying to capture and rape me. Anyway, as a sort of catharsis, I’m going to share this troubling image with you.

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Fuck, I know. I thought I was done posting smut after those Dr. Laura shots. But at least this picture is still safe for work because Demi Moore is technically wearing pants. It’s still disturbing, though. Doesn’t it look like Travis Barker is doing a solo show down there?

It was 1981. The same year that Reagan got shot and the band Yes split up, this was going on in Demi Moore’s lower half. I’m just trying to write my way through the feelings I’m having in my body, but it’s not working. I’m not sure what else to say.

She does have beautiful eyes, though.

Comments

  1. Mr. Knowcebo says:

    Thanks for the link. Now I can add local pornographer to my curriculum vitae. Cross that one off my bucket list.

    Anyway, my wife yelled at me when I showed it to her. She was like,

    Stop, making fun of her. That’s her body! What if somebody said, look at guy with the tiny penis.

    And I was like,

    Don’t say that out loud. Someone might hear you.

    But the thing is, I wouldn’t dare make fun of Demi’s “down-there area.” It is a truly magnificent sight, esp. in the age where porn that features pubic hair is its own, rather rarefied category.

    In fact, I was giving some serious thought recently to become a Satanist — mostly just for kicks, but also because I keep meeting people with all this inner-darkness who can only express it in weak, whiny and passive-aggressive ways. People a lot like me, I should add. Deep down, I still think it is better — or at least more beautiful — to be filled with goodness, light and happiness. But if you ended up a morose, dark person, then become the master of your darkness, not a slave to it.

    Anyway, I did some research, and Satanism got run out business by those fucking New Age people. What exactly do they do with all those crystals anyway? It’s just a big business, like Amway, but without the cheap toilet paper.

    So maybe I’ll worship Demi’s vagina.

  2. Man, I thought you were going to lose me there on paragraph 7, but you reeled it back in like a bass fisherman.

    I might worship Bruce Willis’ dick for navigating a path through that gigantic bush.

  3. Jake Catlett says:

    she’s got this pouty, sad look on her face that seems to say “you mean to don’t wanna wick my widdle wawn?”, and I’m like “nooooo…” it seems to keep stretching back, Demi’s asshole might actually be hairier than mine!

    nice nipple though. really. in thailand at the malls they have these little kiosks that sell bottles of nipple pinkener. I wonder if she was using some?

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