Oral Roberts

January 24, 1918–December 15, 2009

Obit Oral RobertsGoogle tells me that Pentecostal evangelist Oral Roberts died Tuesday from complications of pneumonia. I’m no doctor, but I think he just died because he was  91 YEARS OLD.

Roberts spent most of his time on Earth siphoning money from stupid people and damning other people to hell.

Upon hearing about Roberts’ death, his friend Rev. Billy Gram said “Oral Roberts was a man of God, and a great friend in ministry,” which was nice, but kind of like getting a quote about self-awareness from Kanye West.

Oral Roberts was a miracle worker, meaning that he hated homosexuals.

Roberts was known for his keen business sense and his ability to construct sentences that caused his followers to empty their pockets. But he was also an innovator when it came to sexual positions:

“Look at the orifices of the body, the openings of the body. Certainly you can’t put the male organ, or the woman’s tongue in the eye. … Certainly not in the orifices of the nose, or the navel.”

He winked after he said that.

Oral Roberts is survived by his daughter, Anal; his son, Assfuck, and his favorite grandchild, Dirty Sanchez.

He will be missed.

Comments

  1. tinyurl.com says:

    Great article, exactly what I wanted to find.

  2. tinyurl.com says:

    Hello! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured
    I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog post or
    vice-versa? My blog goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you are interested feel free to send me an email.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

  3. tinyurl.com says:

    Terrific work! That is the kind of information that are supposed
    to be shared across the internet. Disgrace on Google for now not positioning
    this put up upper! Come on over and consult with my site .
    Thanks =)

  4. You could definitely see your skills in the article you write.

    The world hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe.
    At all times go after your heart.

  5. Hello there, You’ve done a great job. I will definitely digg it and
    personally suggest to my friends. I am confident they will be benefited from this
    site.

  6. May I just say what a relief to discover someone that genuinely knows what they’re talking about online.

    You actually know how to bring a problem to light and make it important.
    More and more people really need to look at this and understand this side of the
    story. I was surprised that you aren’t more popular because you certainly
    have the gift.

  7. After I initially commented I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the same comment.
    There has to be a means you can remove me from that service?
    Many thanks!

  8. ps4 games says:

    all the time i used to read smaller content that also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this article which I am
    reading here.

  9. ps4 games says:

    Yes! Finally someone writes about ps4 games.

  10. ps4 games says:

    It’s remarkable in favor of me to have a web page, which is
    valuable in support of my knowledge. thanks admin

  11. ps4 games says:

    Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended
    up losing months of hard work due to no back up.
    Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?

  12. Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favourite
    justification seemed to be at the web the simplest factor to take note of.
    I say to you, I certainly get irked at the same time as
    folks consider issues that they just don’t recognize about.
    You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined out the whole thing without having side-effects , other people can take a signal.

    Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

  13. Hello, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in internet explorer, might test this?

    IE still is the market chief and a huge part of folks will omit your excellent writing due to this problem.

  14. Excellent blog you have here.. It’s difficult
    to find high-quality writing like yours these days.
    I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!

  15. Hi there this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know
    if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding know-how so I wanted to
    get guidance from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  16. Hello there, just became alert to your blog through
    Google, and found that it is truly informative.
    I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Numerous people will be benefited from your writing.
    Cheers!

  17. ps4 games says:

    Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google,
    and found that it is truly informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels.
    I will appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  18. ps4 games says:

    Hi everyone, it’s my first pay a quick visit at this web site, and article is really fruitful designed for me,
    keep up posting these types of posts.

  19. ps4 games says:

    Hi everyone, it’s my first pay a quick visit at this web site, and post is actually fruitful
    for me, keep up posting such content.

  20. ps4 games says:

    Wow, superb blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is magnificent, as well
    as the content!

  21. ps4 games says:

    It is not my first time to visit this web site, i am browsing this site dailly and get good information from here
    daily.

  22. This article is really a nice one it helps new net people, who are wishing for blogging.

  23. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it
    yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a
    nice blog like this one today.

  24. What’s up Dear, are you in fact visiting this site regularly, if so after that you will
    definitely get nice experience.

  25. I was recommended this web site by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about
    my trouble. You’re wonderful! Thanks!

  26. This is the right blog for anybody who wants to understand this topic.
    You realize so much its almost tough to argue
    with you (not that I personally would want to…HaHa).
    You certainly put a new spin on a subject that’s been written about
    for decades. Excellent stuff, just great!

  27. ps4 games says:

    What’s up to all, the contents existing at this website are actually awesome for people knowledge,
    well, keep up the nice work fellows.

  28. ps4 games says:

    I’m really impressed with your writing skills and
    also with the layout on your weblog. Is this
    a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
    Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this one these days.

  29. ps4 games says:

    This website was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which
    helped me. Thanks!

  30. ps4 games says:

    Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular post!
    It is the little changes that produce the most significant changes.

    Many thanks for sharing!

  31. ps4 games says:

    Hey very cool web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb ..
    I will bookmark your website and take the feeds
    also? I am glad to search out numerous useful info here within the
    put up, we want develop extra strategies on this regard, thank you for sharing.

    . . . . .

  32. ps4 games says:

    Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog
    before but after browsing through a few of the articles I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyhow, I’m certainly pleased I discovered it
    and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!

  33. coconut oil says:

    Howdy! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.
    I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.

Leave a Reply

Josh Fernandez © 2019
Web Design: Baap Media