When I was 12, life was much simpler. ┬áPeople wore jean jackets and parachute pants; they dressed in bright colors and had mustaches that weren’t ironic. I didn’t know what the word “gay” meant. I thought Boy George was just really fancy.

I liked to breakdance, but in order to be really good at that art form you had to wear your hair in a rat tail. It sort of looked like a little hair dick coming out of the back of your neck, but for some reason it made you dance better. My mom wouldn’t let me get the rat tail, so I sucked at breakdancing, which why I turned to drugs. It’s why all kids turn to drugs.

But now it’s like 20 years later and I’m free. My mom’s fascist rules no longer apply, So I drove down to Anthony’s Barber Shop and ordered up an extra large rat tail with extra flair, hold the judgement.

Here’s what happened:


  1. “I thought Boy George was just really fancy.”

    People born after 1977 just can’t conceive that Boy George, George Michael, et al, were not gay icons to the vast majority of people.

    The past is a foreign country.

  2. Man, isn’t that weird?

    That’s a good story idea.

  3. Lauren B. says:

    the song playing at the beginning should be AFI’s “I Wanna Get a Mohawk (But Mom Won’t Let Me Get One)”. And that dude clearly loves giving people “ironic hairdos.”

  4. Yanz says:

    Yeah…remember when Boy George had that Asian chick for a girlfriend? Sounds like someone I know…

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