The guy who designed this website is mentally unstable and, perhaps, murderous, if given the chance. And a knife.

If I do something wrong to the site, ¬†which I do almost every day, he’ll send me an email. Actually, it’s more like a ransom note. Like this:


Or this:


That red stuff, I think, is the blood of a newborn baby.

Anyway, he emailed me today to say that (thanks to celebrity endorsements) is now ranked #1 on Google, which means that all you other Josh Fernandez imitators can get the schlong.

Yup, that means you, “aviator sunglasses and cliched writer pose Josh Fernandez”:

s8306051_52043900_5701_4l1qAnd you, too, “obese rapper Josh Fernandez”:


You, too, “inspirational youth leader Josh Fernandez”:

sendBinary.aspAnd even you, nerd “Josh Fernandez with paperwork in a European country”:


From now on, I am your king, your fearless leader, the man you will answer to when the name Josh Fernandez is questioned.

Got it?

Yours, truly,

“Getting raped by a Star Trek alien and liking it Josh Fernandez”


Josh Fernandez © 2021
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