Can we please stop trapping snakes and other various reptiles, poisonous and non, and trying to make them our pets? I was perfectly happy to write about the Star Trek/sci-fi convention, but was so creeped out by the reptile show that I’m taking this space to beg you. If you own a snake or an exotic lizard, can you just set the scary little bastard free in the jungle where it belongs? You paid hundreds of dollars for the thing, now buy it a one-way ticket back to Mexico and let it slither around, lay creepy little eggs and bite the shit out of its enemies in a natural habitat. And no, Billy Bob, your trailer park isn’t considered a natural habitat.
Why would you want a snake, anyway? Have you ever seen one eat? It’s like having to watch Michael J. Fox turn into Teen Wolf, week after week, in your own living room. And without the hilarious plotline. (A wolf playing basketball? Get out!)
Point is, reptiles aren’t cute; what do you need a snake for? So you can be the dude in his mid-30s who hangs around the high-school parking lot showing off his boa constrictor to misunderstood Goth kids? Is that really the statement you want to make with your life?
Or, are you buying an exotic lizard for $700 to occupy your mulleted 8-year old while you and the missus snort meth lines off the lazy Susan? Don’t do it, man. Use that money to buy your kid a haircut, put him in reading class, go to rehab and take the family out to the Red Lobster. Just leave the reptiles out of it.
I don’t care what your argument is: The reptile show is disturbing. The snakes and lizards are crammed into what look like Gummi Bear containers, all trying to claw their way out, like starving Chinese contortionists with broken necks.
To the show’s credit, there was one reptile that seemed comfortable. He was a lizard the size of a large house cat, cradled in the arms of its master, sleeping like a baby as she pet its huge, scaly head, like a grotesque and horribly deformed infant. I almost called the police it was so twisted. Love, I learned, between man and reptile is the sickest, most blasphemous love of all.
Please, I know you’re going to write, telling me that I know nothing about reptiles, that I’m ignorant and have no compassion. And you’re right. But I know only what I saw: thousands of hungry, trapped and oppressed creatures trying to claw their way out of their cages. It was like a Turkish prison, or a Nike factory. If you want to see a reptile, please, watch the Discovery Channel.

2526187477_23344fd2c8Can we please stop trapping snakes and other various reptiles, poisonous and non, and trying to make them our pets? I was perfectly happy to write about the Star Trek/sci-fi convention, but was so creeped out by the reptile show that I’m taking this space to beg you. If you own a snake or an exotic lizard, can you just set the scary little bastard free in the jungle where it belongs? You paid hundreds of dollars for the thing, now buy it a one-way ticket back to Mexico and let it slither around, lay creepy little eggs and bite the shit out of its enemies in a natural habitat. And no, Billy Bob, your trailer park isn’t considered a natural habitat.

Why would you want a snake, anyway? Have you ever seen one eat? It’s like having to watch Michael J. Fox turn into Teen Wolf, week after week, in your own living room. And without the hilarious plotline. (A wolf playing basketball? Get out!)

Point is, reptiles aren’t cute; what do you need a snake for? So you can be the dude in his mid-30s who hangs around the high-school parking lot showing off his boa constrictor to misunderstood Goth kids? Is that really the statement you want to make with your life?

Or, are you buying an exotic lizard for $700 to occupy your mulleted 8-year old while you and the missus snort meth lines off the lazy Susan? Don’t do it, man. Use that money to buy your kid a haircut, put him in reading class, go to rehab and take the family out to the Red Lobster. Just leave the reptiles out of it.

I don’t care what your argument is: The reptile show is disturbing. The snakes and lizards are crammed into what look like Gummi Bear containers, all trying to claw their way out, like starving Chinese contortionists with broken necks.

To the show’s credit, there was one reptile that seemed comfortable. He was a lizard the size of a large house cat, cradled in the arms of its master, sleeping like a baby as she pet its huge, scaly head, like a grotesque and horribly deformed infant. I almost called the police it was so twisted. Love, I learned, between man and reptile is the sickest, most blasphemous love of all.004

Please, I know you’re going to write, telling me that I know nothing about reptiles, that I’m ignorant and have no compassion. And you’re right.But I know only what I saw: thousands of hungry, trapped and oppressed creatures trying to claw their way out of their cages. It was like a Turkish prison, or a Nike factory. If you want to see a reptile, please, watch the Discovery Channel.

Comments

  1. melanie d. says:

    the only reason i like people to have pets like this, is so when they get maimed by it they can very stupidly act surprised. “i don’t know why the tiger ate half my face!”

  2. I like when tourists jump into the cage to pet a baboon.

  3. Katie says:

    I feel the same way about birds. There is no way an animal that can fly should be locked in a cage. I think humans are jealous and put them in cages to prove their superiority.

  4. Jacob says:

    They are not starving. It is this way with any pet. And breeding reptiles can be a great business. And yes, you are an ignorant dumb ass.

  5. Ha! I got a faggy snake guy on my site! Hi faggy snake guy!

  6. Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular article!
    It is the little changes that will make the most significant changes.
    Thanks a lot for sharing!

  7. tinyurl.com says:

    Hey, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog site in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it
    has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Other then that, terrific blog!

  8. tinyurl.com says:

    Can I simply just say what a relief to find somebody that truly understands what they are talking about online.

    You definitely realize how to bring a problem to light
    and make it important. A lot more people really need to read this and understand this side of your story.
    I can’t believe you are not more popular since you
    most certainly possess the gift.

  9. tinyurl.com says:

    I simply could not go away your web site prior to suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the standard info an individual supply in your
    guests? Is going to be back regularly to check up on new posts

  10. tinyurl.com says:

    Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could
    add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
    Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly
    enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your
    new updates.

  11. tinyurl.com says:

    I simply could not leave your website prior to suggesting that I actually loved
    the standard information a person provide for your guests?

    Is gonna be back continuously in order to
    investigate cross-check new posts

  12. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve visited this site before but
    after going through some of the posts I realized it’s new to me.

    Anyhow, I’m definitely delighted I came across it and I’ll be book-marking
    it and checking back often!

  13. Magnificent website. Lots of useful information here.
    I am sending it to some pals ans additionally sharing in delicious.
    And obviously, thanks for your effort!

  14. Hi there to every body, it’s my first pay a quick visit of this website;
    this webpage contains awesome and actually good material designed for visitors.

  15. If some one needs to be updated with latest technologies therefore he must be go to see this website and be up to date every day.

  16. WOW just what I was searching for. Came here
    by searching for plenty of fish dating site

  17. You’ve made some decent points there. I checked on the net to learn more
    about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views
    on this website.

  18. ps4 games says:

    You’ve made some decent points there. I checked on the web for additional information about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this web site.

  19. ps4 games says:

    Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but after going
    through some of the posts I realized it’s new
    to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely happy I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!

  20. ps4 games says:

    Very rapidly this site will be famous amid all blogging visitors,
    due to it’s fastidious articles or reviews

  21. ps4 games says:

    Hi my loved one! I wish to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately
    all important infos. I would like to look more posts like this .

  22. You made some good points there. I checked on the net to find out more about the issue and found most people will go
    along with your views on this web site.

  23. ps4 games says:

    These are in fact wonderful ideas in concerning blogging.
    You have touched some nice points here. Any way keep up wrinting.

  24. ps4 games says:

    Amazing! Its really amazing piece of writing, I have got much clear idea about
    from this paragraph.

  25. What’s up, its nice article concerning media print, we all understand media is a enormous source of facts.

  26. Fantastic beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website,
    how could i subscribe for a blog web site? The account aided me
    a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this
    your broadcast offered bright clear idea

  27. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this article plus the
    rest of the site is also really good.

  28. fantastic points altogether, you simply won a emblem new reader.
    What may you recommend in regards to your put up that you made a few days
    in the past? Any sure?

  29. After I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked on the
    -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now
    every time a comment is added I receive 4 emails with the exact same
    comment. Perhaps there is a way you can remove me from that service?
    Cheers!

  30. Can you tell us more about this? I’d love to find out more details.

  31. ps4 games says:

    I’ve learn several excellent stuff here.
    Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting.
    I wonder how so much effort you put to make this kind of excellent informative web
    site.

  32. ps4 games says:

    Hello! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading your posts.

    Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics?

    Thanks!

  33. ps4 games says:

    Hi there all, here every person is sharing such know-how, therefore it’s fastidious to read this blog, and I used to
    visit this weblog every day.

  34. ps4 games says:

    I got this website from my buddy who shared with me about this website and now this time I am
    browsing this web site and reading very informative content at this time.

  35. ps4 games says:

    Hey! I know this is kinda off topic however ,
    I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links
    or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa? My website addresses
    a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit
    from each other. If you’re interested feel free to send
    me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the
    way!

  36. ps4 games says:

    What’s Taking place i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It positively useful and it has helped me out loads.
    I hope to contribute & help other users like its aided me. Great job.

  37. ps4 games says:

    It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this superb blog!

    I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to fresh updates and will talk about this
    website with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  38. ps4 games says:

    magnificent points altogether, you just won a new reader.
    What might you suggest in regards to your post that
    you simply made some days in the past? Any positive?

  39. ps4 games says:

    I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!

    I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later on. All the best

  40. Can I simply just say what a relief to uncover someone who really knows what they’re discussing online.
    You actually understand how to bring an issue to light and make
    it important. A lot more people need to check this out and understand this side
    of your story. I was surprised you aren’t more popular given that you definitely possess the gift.

  41. Great blog you have here.. It’s difficult to find high-quality writing like yours nowadays.
    I seriously appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!

  42. Hi there! I simply want to give you a huge thumbs up for the great info
    you have got right here on this post. I will be coming back to your blog for more soon.

  43. Hello every one, here every person is sharing these kinds of
    knowledge, thus it’s good to read this webpage, and I used to go to see this web site all the time.

  44. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?

    Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like
    to find out where u got this from. kudos

  45. Great info. Lucky me I ran across your blog by accident (stumbleupon).
    I’ve saved it for later!

  46. I really like it when people get together and share ideas.
    Great site, stick with it!

  47. ps4 games says:

    Excellent items from you, man. I’ve keep in mind your stuff prior to and you’re just
    too wonderful. I actually like what you’ve obtained right here, really like what you’re saying and the way in which in which you are saying
    it. You make it entertaining and you continue
    to care for to stay it wise. I cant wait to learn far more from you.
    That is really a great web site.

  48. ps4 games says:

    Howdy would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?
    I’m planning to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a tough time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and
    I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  49. ps4 games says:

    What’s up, its fastidious article regarding media print, we
    all know media is a enormous source of data.

  50. ps4 games says:

    Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital
    to assert that I acquire in fact enjoyed account your blog posts.

    Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

  51. ps4 games says:

    Its such as you read my thoughts! You seem to understand so much about this, such
    as you wrote the e book in it or something.
    I feel that you could do with a few p.c. to power the message home a bit, however instead of that, that is wonderful blog.
    A great read. I’ll certainly be back.

  52. ps4 games says:

    I do not even know the way I finished up right here, but I believed this post was once good.
    I do not recognize who you’re however certainly you’re
    going to a well-known blogger in the event you aren’t already.
    Cheers!

  53. coconut oil says:

    I know this website gives quality based posts and other stuff,
    is there any other site which offers these stuff in quality?

  54. coconut oil says:

    I do not even understand how I stopped up right here, but I
    thought this put up used to be great. I don’t recognise who
    you might be but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you happen to aren’t already.
    Cheers!

Leave a Reply

Josh Fernandez © 2019
Web Design: Baap Media