I have been really tired lately. Seriously. I haven’t wanted to do anything. Yesterday, I bent down to tie my shoe and then saw how far the floor was and just said “Fuck this” and went to the coffee shop, nearly tripping on my face all the way there.

But it turns out I’m not the only one. Advertising agencies are tired, too. They’re tired because the companies they represent are doing some wild-ass shit, and it’s really hard to create solid ads around that.

How do you create ads around products that make you vomit when you eat them or make you die when you drive them? It’s hard.

Take, for instance, Domino’s Pizza. Just typing out the name makes me want to take a shit. Their pizzas are cardboard discs that are bathed in grease and given to retarded people with mustaches to cook. To make ads for that is hard enough, but even harder when a couple of those retards make a video of themselves putting boogers on the pizza.

But thanks to a new wave of advertising, copywriters can sidestep all the bullshit and just say, “Fuck this. We’re tired and we’re starting over.”

Check it out:

Pretty cool, huh? Just a few years ago, the company would have bombarded the public with EXTREME PIZZA ads until we forgot what they were advertising. In the flurry of EXTREME PIZZA we would forget what we were hungry for. We’d forget our names. All we’d know was our insatiable hunger for EXTREME PIZZA.

And check out Toyota. Because they now make cars that kill people, they did the same thing as Domino’s:

It’s ingenious. And it cuts ad guys some slack, because they don’t have to spin some magical tale to a bunch of people who already know they’re full of shit.

They need to make a commercial for the Catholic church.


“Hi, I’m the Pope. I know what you’re thinking: “Stop looking at my son like that.” But, hold on. That’s the OLD church. We here at the new church understand that you cherish your male children. And you don’t want them dating older men. That’s why we’re turning over a new leaf. We’re hiring younger priests. Join us at the Vatican for a better, more wholesome church.”


Josh Fernandez © 2021
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