Here’s a dilemma I’ve given a lot of thought to lately: The word “gay.”

It’s so useful and I love it. For instance, the word “dilemma” is fucking gay.

But I find myself in a jam because I am friends with a lot of homosexuals. I am an advocate for gay people and I am intent on equal rights for all, even gaywads. Which means, technically, that I can’t use “gay” in a negative connotation.

But the more I think about it, the angrier it makes me. I mean, I am friends with a guy who has cerebral palsy. Does that stop me from saying “retarded”? Hell no. In fact, I use it more now simply for the fact that if someone were to call me out I can say, “Oh, no, my friend Andy’s retarded as fuck … so, it’s cool.”

Do you see what I mean here? It’s not fair.

I propose right here and now that we take the word “gay” and alter a little bit if we want it to connote negative vibes.

Let’s make it “ghey.”

For instance:

This shit is ghey.

While we’re at it, there’s another word we need to take back:


Is that OK? It has to be, because there is n0 other way to describe these guys:

The gheyest phags on the planet.

Josh Fernandez © 2021
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