Update: using a bit of investigative journalism I concluded that there are in fact 2 first place winners. I don’t understand how ties work because I am not a mathematician, but I do understand that the two journalists included in the tie must fight to the death in some sort of electrified cage. In that case, I concede.

—–

It’s come to my attention that I’ve won 2nd place in Sacramento News & Review’s annual Best of Sacramento Reader’s Choice awards.

First I’d like to say, hey, fuck you, readers. Would it have been so hard to propel me to the first place position? I mean, come on, Sacramento’s not that big of a city. How many people voted? 5? 6? I bet you I was an infant’s vote away from taking home the big one.

So, who, you ask, won the first place prize?

None other than the SN&R’s Cosmo Garvin.

Garvin’s a great dude and all, but, come on. The guy could benefit from a fact check or two. I mean, Garvin’s a 23-year-old Guatemalan kid who drives a Firebird to work. What does that tell you about his journalism talent?

Hm, that might be the wrong Cosmo Garvin. But, that’s not the point. The point is, well, there are two points.

The first point is “fuck you, readers,” which we already established.

And the second point is, how do you expect me to brag about how talented I am if I get second place in everything?

What else comes in second place in everything?

China?

Breaking news: China is stewing in its own pollution and everyone will be dead there soon.

Look, all I’m saying is that I don’t want to be the Serena to Cosmo Garvin’s Venus Williams.

Really?! He looks like a business-casual-Elvis wiping mustard off his chin!

So, why second? Is it that I only update my website once every five months? Fuck you!

Is it that I only write about things that are gay and/or the band Slayer? Fuck you!

I think that’s it.

By the way, if you were wondering, this is what a real journalist looks like (which is kind of like a sexy pterodactyl):

Comments

  1. BitchSauce says:

    Bo the dog apologizes for forgetting to vote.
    You weren’t an infants vote away, you were a canine’s vote away. But I bet that poof Cosmo doesn’t have a housepet readership!
    You’re #1 in the quadrupedal market base, so that’s something, isn’t it?

    P.S. You look like the gay housekeeper in The Birdcage. That’s a compliment.

  2. HAHAHAH “FUCK YOU READERS!”

    Love this.

  3. Rat Faced Meth User says:

    YOU RAPIST!!! PTOOEY!

  4. great issues altogether, you just won a emblem new reader.
    What may you recommend about your put up that you just made a few
    days ago? Any positive?

  5. What you posted was actually very logical. However, what about
    this? what if you added a little information? I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to run your blog, however what if you added a post title
    that grabbed people’s attention? I mean Real news, real disappointment | Josh Fernandez is
    kinda boring. You could look at Yahoo’s home page and
    watch how they create news titles to grab viewers to open the links.
    You might add a video or a picture or two to get readers interested about everything’ve written. In my opinion, it would make your posts a little livelier.

  6. Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article post. I wanted to write a little comment
    to support you.

  7. Hurrah! At last I got a blog from where I be capable of genuinely obtain useful facts concerning my study and knowledge.

  8. It’s amazing to go to see this website and reading the views of all
    friends on the topic of this post, while I am also keen of getting
    know-how.

  9. Your means of describing everything in this article is actually fastidious, all can easily understand it, Thanks a lot.

  10. Thanks a lot for sharing this with all people you actually realize what
    you’re talking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly also visit my web
    site =). We can have a hyperlink trade agreement
    among us

  11. ps4 games says:

    Hi there, I found your site by the use of Google at the
    same time as searching for a similar topic, your website came
    up, it appears to be like great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Hi there, just changed into alert to your blog through Google, and located
    that it is truly informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels.
    I’ll appreciate for those who continue this in future.
    Lots of other folks will probably be benefited
    out of your writing. Cheers!

  12. That is really attention-grabbing, You are an excessively skilled blogger.
    I have joined your feed and sit up for searching for more of
    your fantastic post. Additionally, I have shared your site in my social networks

  13. I truly love your blog.. Very nice colors & theme.
    Did you make this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m hoping to create my own personal site and want to find out where you got this from or what the theme is
    named. Kudos!

  14. ps4 games says:

    Great blog here! Also your site loads up fast!

    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your
    host? I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  15. ps4 games says:

    Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche.
    Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  16. ps4 games says:

    Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed!

    Extremely useful information particularly the ultimate part :
    ) I care for such info much. I used to be looking for this particular information for a very lengthy time.
    Thanks and best of luck.

Leave a Reply

Josh Fernandez © 2019
Web Design: Baap Media