I thought I would wake up from my journalism nap to break a little bit of news.

We know Julian Assange as the Internet activist/ founder and editor-in-chief of WikiLeaks, the whistleblower website that’s most likely put a bounty on his head.

Speaking of Assange’s head, is it me or is he growing some of the strangest color hair known to Earth? Is that shit white, blonde, gray? What the fuck?

Anyway, Assange is arguably the most controversial man in the world because of his willingness and ability to lift the veil on some of the world’s most horrifying secrets, like his publication of the Afghan War documents (a collection of internal U.S. military logs from the War in Afghanistan) in July 2010.

But there’s one missing piece to the Assange puzzle.

Julian Assange: grey/white/blonde head

Assange is a master of high-profile leaks, but let’s see what happens when I leak all over him: Assange isn’t Assange at all. He’s James Dyson, inventor of the bladeless fan and the Dyson vacuum:

Busted, you pasty bitch.

To the Associated Press: I’ll take my paycheck in $1 bills (if you know what I mean).

Josh Fernandez © 2021
Web Design: Siam Studios