I haven’t posted anything lately because:

1) I started teaching and it turns out teaching is not at all like the movies where you just get to show up drunk with a flask in your pocket and yell at your slacker students about “FUCKIN’ LIFE, MAN” and then give A+s to everybody because, although they’re an unruly bunch who joined gangs when they were 6, they finally decide to kick it in high gear and win the big essay/ breakdance contest that saves the fate of the school from demolition by the evil for-profit institution while a hard (but uplifting) Tupac soundtrack plays as the faculty gives me high-fives and apologizes for not trusting such a rogue, off-the-cuff professor. In fact, teaching writing pretty much consists of grading stacks upon stacks of essays and then cursing the heavens for not handing me a brain that understands mathematics or business and 2) I’ve been terminally bored by everything I see.

It’s true. Somewhere in between Ron Paul and Honey Boo Boo, I stopped giving a shit about the news.

Take, for instance, Chris Dorner — the ex-cop who went nuts, wrote a manifesto and shot a bunch of people.


I know, I know. The world is in a sick, horrible place when even mass murder can’t rouse a human mind … but meh. 

The only interesting thing about Dorner was that he looked exactly like L.L. Cool J (in Cool J’s softer In the House period ), but as soon as I caught on to that fact, a million other assholes on the internet realized the exact same thing. 

Memes were made. And they were made again. And again. 


Whoa, that’s actually freakier than I thought. I think L.L. Cool J should be arrested just to be safe. I’m sure he’s done something wrong. If nothing else, his role in Deliver Us From Eva is probably cause for imprisonment.


The thing about the internet is that it’s waaaaaaaay too fast for lazy people. The second you think of something, this happens:

Hilarious!  And the shitty thing is I though of it two months after it was made.

But this is where memes get tricky: People are idiots.

Here’s an example. When people post these kinds of memes, which, for the most part, are funny and entertaining, what I think they’re trying to say is, “I relate to this statement and that makes me a fearless, somewhat edgy person, who has a good sense of humor”: 


But what I see when you post that is, “I am a delusional, unoriginal piece of shit who can’t, even for one millisecond, come up with a unique idea because I’m not just simply dull, I’m most likely functionally retarded.”

What is the point of all this? I don’t know, smart guy. Maybe the point of this aimless, rambling and worthless post is to gently point out that this contestant on American Idol:

AI Chick 

Looks exactly like my fucking cat:


Loki and AI chick






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