I was going to write a post about my experience as a first-year full-time English faculty at Folsom Lake College.

Guide for Residents 5

Artistic rendering of my campus, which, apparently is full of wild, dangerous flora.

But I fell today.

At work.

Not metaphorically fell. I fucking fell walking to class during one of the busiest times on our beautiful campus.

Here’s what happened: I was walking next to a bed of plants and one of the plants had this large tentacle-like leaf that somehow wrapped around my goddamn foot.

If I was less sane of a person I would say that the plant was trying to get me. Attempting to take me out.

Luckily, I’m sane, but that fucking plant had it in for me from the very beginning.

About the fall:  

On the way down I thought, “What the fuck are you doing, you disgusting plant?!”

“Fuck you!” I thought. “Just sit there and be a stupid plant for once in your life!”

To make it worse, I think I was smiling when I fell. When I play the scene back in my head, yup, I was smiling, and I look like a big smiling, falling asshole.

I kept falling. “I can’t believe I am going to hit the ground,” I thought, smiling like a fuckface.

It was so surreal that I was taken out by a plant. Of all things. If I look back on my life, I thought it would have been crystal meth. Or a gang member. A fucking plant. The fall was so slow. I had so much time to rationalize the fall that by the time I hit the ground I’d already accepted the fact that I had fallen and then even had a little laugh about it. I actually had a bit of time at the end of the fall where I had no thoughts at all. It was just me and my blank mind. It was nice.

I fell onto my knuckle and my knee hit the ground with a crack.

“Fuuuuuck,” a student said.

A group of students stopped chatting. “Are you ok?” one of them asked.

I couldn’t tell.

A student put his hand gently on my shoulder. It almost made me cry.

Another English professor was standing there when I got up. “Are you ok? Do you need worker’s comp?”

I don’t know what I said to her. It’s been a rough couple weeks. My neighbor was murdered. The guy across the street’s house burned down. I got the flu. My wife got the flu. I started a new full-time position teaching English and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. My son got Hand, Foot and Mouth disease at day care, which, of course, he passed on to me. My feet are now  covered in red blisters that feel like I’m walking on fire and broken glass.

“I would give you a hug,” my coworker said, “But I don’t want to get sick.”

I limped to class. I told them that I fell and they laughed really hard. Too hard. My knuckle was bleeding. For some reason I had a band aid in my pocket, as if I knew that one day I would be the smiley asshole professor that would fall onto the ground and break his knuckle open.

While the class laughed, I applied my band aid. I wanted to die, but there was a class in front of me. They needed to learn. We talked about David Foster Wallace. We watched his Kenyon College commencement speech where Wallace discusses drudgery and complacency. The self-centered nature of mankind. He talks about seeing and compassion. And empathy.

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day,” Wallace said.

I wanted the students to love what he said. I wanted them to think about it. When I told them he killed himself a few years after giving this speech, they gasped.

When the class ended I stumbled back to my office across the campus. My knee throbbed. My finger was leaking blood through the band-aid.

When I told my office mate—a hilarious Nutrition professor—the story of my fall, she laughed, and said, “How’s the plant?”

I texted my wife:



It wasn’t until I set my fingers on the keyboard in front of me that I noticed they were trembling. My whole body trembled. 

I opened up my email and there was a message from a student. “Hey Professor,” It began. “I just wanted to thank you for showing us that video today of the commencement speech. It opened my eyes.”

“It opened my eyes,” I said to myself. The words shook through my trembling body. 

I shut off my computer and I watched my trembling hands. Maybe it was the combination of lack of sleep, horrific sickness, death, destruction and falling in the middle of a walkway like a complete fucking asshole, but I wanted to cry at the simple kindness in that email.

“in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism,” Wallace said in his speech. “There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship.”

My finger bled onto my hand through the band aid. My knee throbbed.

And, I guess that’s exactly how my first year of teaching English full-time at Folsom Lake College has gone.



  1. sean says:


    Welcome to the show. The Adulthood Show.

    It never gets much better but it usually isn’t much worse.

  2. Lesa says:

    I hope you feel better, things will get better and I enjoy reading everything you write. xo

  3. Jan Haag says:

    Oh, Josh! So beautiful, painful, full of life-sucks-and-is-stunning-all-at once truth. (I once fell on my way to a Susurrus class and broke my foot, though I didn’t know that until the next day at the doctor’s office. Two students gave me ice from their cups for my foot!)

    And you… after being so wounded, literally limping and bleeding your way into class. you gave those students something that opened the tops of their heads and let a little light in, which is what teaching is all about… and why you’re so good at it.

    Virtual hugs to you!

  4. Jake says:

    Hits hard. The soul trembles for it.

  5. Steph Rodriguez says:

    I enjoyed this entry. And, damn daycare sickness. Hope your knee feels better!

  6. Mark McKay says:

    DUDE. Good times, bad times – you know I’ve had my share. But plants tripping you up on addition to all the other junk going down?!? God’s got it in for you. But I still love you.

  7. One of my least favorite parts about teaching is how vulnerable we are when we are “on” in front of our students. It’s also one of my favorite parts, too. On the first day of school this year I rode down my driveway on my bike and crashed into the middle of the street. My binders went flying, my glasses flew and my thermos rolled into the gutter. It stopped traffic. I picked myself up and went inside for a bandaid and went to school. Sometimes life sucks. It will get better.

  8. Ricardo Corriea says:

    maybe it’s bad karma for all the fat shaming and shit talking you’ve done on Facebook in the last couple 10 years or maybe it’s just your ego maniac shenanigans biting you in the ass. you used to ride a skateboard you think you’d be used to falling down..I hope you’re enjoying fatherhood maybe now you see things in a different light.

  9. Denae Davis says:

    I work tech support, so work is a bitch and sometimes when I get home I feel guilt about putting off writing, then I read this gold and remember it’s all worth it. Keep posting stuff and eating shit when necessary. You remain an inspiration to me.

  10. You’re a gem, Josh. Love your vulnerability, and happy for the students who get to learn from you!

  11. I’m sorry about your fall. On a different note, consider that the plant took you to your knees.

  12. WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching
    for quest bars cheap

  13. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?
    Plz answer back as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from.

  14. I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep
    it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back in the
    future. Cheers

  15. tinyurl.com says:

    Why visitors still use to read news papers when in this technological globe everything
    is presented on web?

  16. Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and
    I’m impressed! Very helpful information particularly the last part :) I care for such information a lot.

    I was looking for this particular information for a very long time.
    Thank you and best of luck.

  17. ps4 games says:

    Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly.

    I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two
    different internet browsers and both show the same

  18. I was able to find good information from your blog posts.

  19. ps4 games says:

    Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological globe everything is presented
    on net?

  20. ps4 games says:

    Awesome things here. I am very glad to look your post.
    Thank you so much and I’m looking ahead to contact you.
    Will you please drop me a mail?

  21. Excellent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog website?
    The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright
    clear idea

  22. What’s up Dear, are you truly visiting this website on a regular basis,
    if so afterward you will absolutely obtain fastidious know-how.

  23. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the images on this blog loading?
    I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the
    blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

  24. I’m excited to discover this site. I need to to thank you for
    ones time for this fantastic read!! I definitely really liked
    every part of it and i also have you book marked to see new information on your web site.

  25. No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, therefore he/she desires to be
    available that in detail, therefore that thing is maintained over here.

  26. I have read so many articles regarding the blogger lovers however
    this piece of writing is in fact a pleasant article, keep it up.

  27. ps4 games says:

    Can you tell us more about this? I’d want to find out some additional information.

  28. ps4 games says:

    Informative article, exactly what I needed.

  29. ps4 games says:

    Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this website before but after
    browsing through many of the articles I realized it’s
    new to me. Regardless, I’m certainly happy I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

  30. ps4 games says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your efforts and
    I am waiting for your next write ups thank you once

  31. ps4 games says:

    Thanks for some other informative site. Where else may just I
    am getting that type of info written in such a perfect method?
    I’ve a mission that I am simply now operating on, and I
    have been at the glance out for such information.

  32. ps4 games says:

    Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of.
    I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people
    think about worries that they plainly don’t know about.
    You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects ,
    people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more.

  33. Incredible! This blog looks just like my old one!
    It’s on a entirely different subject but it has pretty much the same page
    layout and design. Superb choice of colors!

  34. Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this
    board and I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot.

    I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.

  35. ps4 games says:

    I’m amazed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and amusing, and let me tell
    you, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that too few men and women are speaking intelligently about.
    I am very happy that I came across this during my hunt
    for something concerning this.

  36. ps4 games says:

    What’s up to every one, the contents present at this web site are truly amazing for
    people knowledge, well, keep up the nice work fellows.

  37. ps4 games says:

    Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a data! existing here at
    this web site, thanks admin of this site.

  38. ps4 games says:

    I’m gone to tell my little brother, that he should also go to see this webpage on regular basis to take
    updated from most recent reports.

  39. ps4 games says:

    Very good information. Lucky me I ran across your blog
    by accident (stumbleupon). I’ve book-marked it for later!

  40. ps4 games says:

    If some one desires expert view about blogging and site-building afterward i recommend him/her to visit
    this website, Keep up the fastidious job.

  41. coconut oil says:

    When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox
    and now each time a comment is added I get four e-mails with the same comment.
    Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
    Appreciate it!

  42. coconut oil says:

    Attractive part of content. I simply stumbled upon your web site
    and in accession capital to claim that I acquire in fact loved
    account your weblog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing for your augment
    or even I success you get entry to constantly quickly.

  43. coconut oil says:

    Everything is very open with a clear description of the issues.
    It was definitely informative. Your site is useful.
    Many thanks for sharing!

  44. coconut oil says:

    I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this
    site. I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade content from you in the future as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my very own website now ;)

  45. coconut oil says:

    Great beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how could i subscribe for a
    weblog site? The account helped me a acceptable
    deal. I have been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright transparent idea

  46. When some one searches for his essential thing, thus he/she needs to be available that in detail,
    thus that thing is maintained over here.

  47. I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This paragraph posted at this
    website is really fastidious.

  48. Article writing is also a fun, if you be familiar with afterward you can write or else it is complex to write.

  49. Thanks for another informative blog. Where else may I get that type of info written in such an ideal means?

    I’ve a venture that I am just now running on, and
    I’ve been at the glance out for such info.

  50. This page certainly has all the information I needed about this
    subject and didn’t know who to ask.

  51. An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment. I do believe that
    you need to write more about this subject matter,
    it may not be a taboo matter but generally folks don’t talk about such subjects.
    To the next! Best wishes!!

  52. This is my first time pay a quick visit at here and i am genuinely impressed to
    read all at one place.

  53. I have read so many content regarding the blogger lovers but this piece of writing is in fact a fastidious paragraph, keep it

  54. I am no longer positive where you are getting your information, but great topic.
    I needs to spend some time finding out more or understanding more.
    Thanks for fantastic info I used to be on the lookout for this info for my

  55. sling tv says:

    Good day I am so excited I found your weblog, I really found you by accident, while I was searching on Aol for
    something else, Regardless I am here now and would just like to say thanks a lot for a fantastic post and a all round thrilling blog
    (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to go
    through it all at the moment but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I
    have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the fantastic jo.

  56. Hello, recognition you in regard to facts! I repost in Facebook

  57. My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different website
    and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.

    Look forward to looking into your web page repeatedly.

  58. sling tv says:

    Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday.

    It will always be exciting to read content from
    other writers and use something from other sites.

  59. sling tv says:

    Hi! This is my first comment here so I just
    wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading through your
    blog posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics?

    Many thanks!

  60. sling tv says:

    Hi, just wanted to say, I liked this article. It was practical.
    Keep on posting!

  61. sling tv says:

    I love what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work
    and coverage! Keep up the good works guys
    I’ve added you guys to my personal blogroll.

  62. EverettReugs says:

    Hello, tender thanks you in spite of information! viagra erection http://viapwronline.com I repost in Facebook.
    viagra help

  63. Petericody says:

    Hello, thank you http://cialisxtl.com in favour of facts! cialis lowest price
    viagra online pharmacy

  64. sling tv says:

    This is really attention-grabbing, You’re an overly professional blogger.
    I have joined your rss feed and sit up for in search of more of your great post.
    Additionally, I have shared your website in my
    social networks

  65. sling tv says:

    Howdy! I just would like to offer you a huge thumbs up for the
    great info you have right here on this post. I am coming
    back to your web site for more soon.

  66. sling tv says:

    What’s Going down i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered It absolutely useful and it has aided me
    out loads. I hope to give a contribution & assist other customers like its
    aided me. Great job.

  67. sling tv says:

    Someone necessarily assist to make seriously posts
    I would state. That is the first time I frequented your web page
    and up to now? I surprised with the research you
    made to create this particular put up incredible.
    Excellent task!

  68. Wayneret says:

    Cialis cialis 30 day sample cialis 20mg price

  69. sling tv says:

    Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after browsing through some
    of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m certainly
    delighted I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

  70. sling tv says:

    I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning
    this website. I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade blog
    posts by you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own, personal website now ;)

  71. sling tv says:

    Hey I am so happy I found your blog page, I really found you by mistake, while I was searching on Askjeeve for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say
    cheers for a tremendous post and a all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I
    don’t have time to read it all at the minute but I have saved it
    and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read much more,
    Please do keep up the superb job.

  72. Wayneret says:

    Cialis canadien cialis cialis prices 20mg

  73. I visited multiple web pages however the audio feature for audio songs current at
    this website is truly excellent.

  74. It’s going to be finish of mine day, except before end I am reading this enormous piece of writing to increase my know-how.

  75. vurtilopmer says:

    This really answered my problem, thank you!

  76. sling tv says:

    These are truly wonderful ideas in regarding
    blogging. You have touched some nice points here. Any way keep up wrinting.

  77. sling tv says:

    Thank you a lot for sharing this with all folks you really recognise
    what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly also visit my site =).
    We could have a link alternate contract among us

  78. Your content is very useful. Thank you so much for providing plenty of useful content.

  79. This information can help me consider some useful things, and maintain a good work.

  80. It’s so lucky for me to find your blog! So shocking and great!Thanks for your

  81. Just with some minor changes in the style sheet, you can get a totally different look n feel for .

  82. Por resultados casi inmediatos vaya a ereccion total. No debe esforzarse en utilizar palabras técnicas cuyo significado exacto pueda desconocer, por el contrario es conveniente utilizar un lenguaje sencillo.

  83. Igualmente los potenciadores le pueden quitar todos los problemas de impotencia y las faltas de erección. Si bien la edad suele ser una de las principales causas de la impotencia, no se considera la única, ya que existen muchos casos de hombres mayores que gozan de una vida sexual activa, gracias a su estilo de vida. Donde comprar cialis generico online..

  84. Like!! Really appreciate you sharing this blog post.Really thank you! Keep writing.

  85. obviously like your web-site but you need to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the reality however I will surely come again again.

  86. my response says:

    Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research about this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I’m very glad to see such magnificent information being shared freely out there.

  87. I reckon something truly special in this internet site.

  88. Great line up. We will be linking to this great article on our site. Keep up the good writing.

  89. Hi would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good hosting provider at a honest price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

  90. Thanks , I’ve recently been looking for information about this subject for ages and yours is the best I’ve discovered till now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?

  91. I will immediately take hold of your rss feed as I can’t to find your e-mail subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Please allow me recognize so that I could subscribe. Thanks.

  92. como ganhar na lotofacil acertar na lotofacil ganhar na lotofacil como ganhar na lotofacil de verdade como ganhar na lotofacil sempre como ganhar na lotofacil 2020 como ganhar na lotofacil 100 garantido dicas lotofacil como acertar na lotofacil dicas para ganhar na lotofacil

  93. Ovavakigh says:

    buy levitra 10mg cheap viagra uk paypal viagra sale no prescription

  94. Gelegentlich wird auch versucht, mit Minoxidil Kreisrunden Haarausfall (Alopecia areata) zu lindern, wobei sich hier aber kein nennenswerter Erfolg einstellt.

  95. Ovavakigh says:

    cialis where to buy – malaysia buy daily cialis buy viagra cialis

  96. Great – I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related information ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Nice task..

  97. Hello! I just would like to give a huge thumbs up for the great info you have here on this post. I will be coming back to your blog for more soon.

  98. Hello, you used to write wonderful, but the last several posts have been kinda boring?K I miss your super writings. Past several posts are just a bit out of track! come on!

  99. Shipping says:

    so much superb info on here, : D.

  100. Ovavakigh says:

    buy cheapest cialis levitra online – viagra sale spain

  101. learn more says:

    You actually make it seem really easy with your presentation but I in finding this topic to be actually one thing that I believe I would by no means understand. It seems too complicated and very extensive for me. I am taking a look forward on your subsequent submit, I will try to get the dangle of it!

  102. Atarax says:

    Side Effects of Antihistamines As Treatment for Eczema.

  103. lachende koe says:

    Hello.This post was really motivating, especially since I was searching for thoughts on this subject last Wednesday.

  104. Absolutely pent subject matter, thank you for information. “Necessity is the mother of taking chances.” by Mark Twain.

  105. Excellent weblog right here! Additionally your site quite a bit up fast! What host are you the usage of? Can I get your associate hyperlink for your host? I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol

  106. Wohnungen says:

    I really appreciate this post. I¦ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You’ve made my day! Thank you again

  107. I have been checking out many of your posts and i can state pretty clever stuff. I will definitely bookmark your site.

Leave a Reply

Josh Fernandez © 2020
Web Design: Siam Studios