I hate writing this post because I love Bernie Sanders. I love his proposed policies that avoid unnecessary wars, his plan to educate the living shit out of America, his promise to fuck Wall Street in the ass (in a bad way) and I love how his eyes get all wacky and his white hair flips up in the wind when he’s giving his passionate speeches.

But he lost the democratic nomination. I mean, he’s still campaigning and asking me for money, but that’s just what Bernie does. He doesn’t stop. If you tell Bernie to stop he flips you the bird, straightens out the collar on his blue button up shirt and then he goes even fucking harder! That’s why we love Bernie Sanders, but it’s also kind of annoying. Which, again, is why we love Bernie. It’s pretty complex.

Anyway, I didn’t want to write this post after his rally in Sacramento because I was still high from the message of the candidate himself. We know that, much like Nas or Rakim, Bernie is a straight up G from the streets of New York.

But, from what I witnessed from doing some serious people watching at his Sacramento rally, here’s why he lost the nomination:

1. Juggalos.


There were fucking juggalos at the Bernie Sanders rally. It wasn’t just like one or two juggalos. There were shitloads of them. Here’s the thing: Any time you have juggalos on your team, you’re gonna lose. I don’t care if it’s baseball, trivia night, Pictionary, etc. … if Twizted Insane Steve shows up to support, you’re fucking going down.

2. Kids.


There were shitloads of kids at the Bernie Sanders rally. I love kids. You love kids. I even have a kid of my own. They’re our fucking future or whatever. But those little fucks can’t vote. Sorry.

3. Conspiracy theorists.


There were several people in the crowd wearing anti-illuminati clothing. One guy kept shouting, “FUCK THE ILLUMINATI!” after each statement Bernie would make. I’m sure there’s some cross-polination between juggalos and conspiracy theorists, but the more of those fuckers you have in a room 1) the smellier that room is going to be, 2) the more annoying that room is going to be, 3) the louder that room is going to be 4) THAT ROOM WAS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR BY THE ROTHSCHILDS, BRO.

4. Bernie Bros.


I hate that term. When I first heard the term Bernie Bro, I wanted to punch the person that said it in the fucking face. Which, in hindsight, makes me a Bernie Bro. However, at the rally, when Bernie mentioned one of Hillary’s shitty policies, a tall, shirtless man yelled, “FUCK THAT BITCH!” That’s some classic Bernie bro type shit.

5. Really old hippies.


Really old hippies are like kids. Everyone loves them. But, like kids, they’re easy to dismiss. Their heads are still crackling with traces of LSD and memories from touring with The Dead and they’re always cranky about everything. There was a lady in front of me reading a biography about Bernie getting all pissed off at a dancing juggalo and then she was getting mad at the bands playing and then she started cursing at the fucking sun. Of course, nobody paid any attention to her and she probably went home that night to her hut dug in the side of a hill and forgot to vote yesterday.

I don’t know. I think you can tell a lot about candidates by their fans. Hillary rallies are full of rich white ladies and dudes wearing mom jeans and mandals. Donald Trump rallies are packed with men who are more proud of their trucks than they are of their children and women with splotchy faces and bible quotes tattooed above their ass cracks.

We’re fucked. But not really. The world will spin. Our president will fuck up and we will be outraged. The world will spin some more. And then we’ll all be dead.

I still love Bernie. I just don’t know who I’m voting for now, but I do know that this election year is funny as hell. And I know this makes me a horrible person and a nihilist and probably a total shitbag, but there’s a small part of me that is truly curious to see what a Donald Trump presidency might look like.

Screen Shot 2016-06-08 at 2.17.29 PM

USA! I luv u BBs.


  1. Ed says:

    Well said

  2. John says:

    Conspiracy theorists need to lay off the Illuminati. Like the Rothschilds, Bernie is Jewish. Cognitive dissonance lives.

  3. says:

    Article writing is also a fun, if you be acquainted with after that you can write or else it is difficult to write.

  4. says:

    Good day I am so excited I found your webpage, I really found
    you by error, while I was researching on Google for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would
    just like to say many thanks for a incredible post and a all round entertaining blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to go
    through it all at the moment but I have book-marked it and also included your RSS feeds, so
    when I have time I will be back to read much more, Please do keep up
    the excellent jo.

  5. I’ll immediately grasp your rss as I can’t in finding your email subscription hyperlink or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly let me recognize so that I may just subscribe.


  6. Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular article!

    It is the little changes that will make the biggest changes.
    Many thanks for sharing!

  7. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really
    something that I think I would never understand. It seems too
    complex and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post,
    I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  8. Hi there! This blog post could not be written much better!

    Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept talking about this. I will send this information to him.
    Fairly certain he will have a very good read.
    Thank you for sharing!

  9. Incredible points. Great arguments. Keep up the great work.

  10. ps4 games says:

    Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring
    a blog article or vice-versa? My site goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you’re interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look
    forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog by the way!

  11. ps4 games says:

    Unquestionably believe that that you said. Your favourite justification seemed
    to be on the web the simplest thing to consider of.

    I say to you, I certainly get irked whilst folks think about concerns that they plainly don’t recognize about.
    You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , other folks can take a signal.
    Will likely be again to get more. Thank you

  12. If some one wants to be updated with newest technologies after that he
    must be visit this site and be up to date every day.

  13. My developer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
    I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.
    But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on numerous websites for about a
    year and am concerned about switching to another platform.
    I have heard excellent things about Is there
    a way I can transfer all my wordpress content into it? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  14. You are so awesome! I don’t think I’ve read through something like this before.
    So wonderful to discover somebody with some genuine thoughts on this issue.

    Seriously.. thank you for starting this up.
    This web site is one thing that is needed on the web, someone
    with some originality!

  15. ps4 games says:

    These are really great ideas in regarding blogging.
    You have touched some nice things here. Any way keep up wrinting.

  16. ps4 games says:

    Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I have really loved surfing around your
    blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing for your rss feed and I am hoping
    you write again soon!

  17. ps4 games says:

    Hi, just wanted to mention, I enjoyed this blog post.
    It was helpful. Keep on posting!

  18. ps4 games says:

    When some one searches for his essential thing, so he/she
    wishes to be available that in detail, so that thing is
    maintained over here.

Leave a Reply

Josh Fernandez © 2019
Web Design: Baap Media