This world is so incredibly fucked. At the risk of sounding like a new age yoga mom or an inspirational meme making millennial, I would like to propose that we need more love. Not more proselytizing on social media. Not more telling people how to grieve. Not more government committees. Not more protests. Not more tweet-ups. We need fucking love. So much love that that we walk around hugging strangers. So much love that cartoon hearts shoot from our buttholes. So much love that it changes the very structure of our DNA to look like little fucking rainbows. So much love that violent, hateful people kill themselves out of pure disgust.
To kick of this love fest, here is a list of things I love:
1) Motherfucking vegetables – There is no god, but veggies are pretty fucking close.
2) My little baby Ezra and my wife Crystal
C’mon! Look at these beautiful fuckers!
3) Scaryass tattoos
Ooooooooh scary!
4) Fucking trees
Hahahaha, they’re making love
5) Running impossibly long distances
Check out my O face after the AR50
6) Punk rock – I’m 12 years old! Pillage the village! Wooooooo!
7) Your weird art – Keep making that shit, you strange fucks!
8) Radical language – Only complete shitbags don’t read poems
9) My students (even the dickhead ones) – I can’t put up any pictures here because I’ll probably get in trouble. However, just imagine a dickheaded student. I love them the best.
10) Smoothies – Hella vitamins
11) Watching badass shit on TV
Hold the door, hold the door, hol door ho dor hodor HODOR!!!
12) The sun – shiny as fuck
13) Ignorant rap music
Bickin back bein bool
14) Joe Rogan – bro scholar
15) Satanic black metal
“Hey, what should we put on our next album cover?” “Ummm, how bout evil Jesus eating his finger?”
16) My mommy
Thank you, based mother, for these beautiful soap opera Mexican genes
17) Pamplemousse La Croix
18) Being gay with Garth Greenwell
19) This gnarly tweeker cutting down our dead tree
Can you see him? It’s the Sacramento version of Where’s Waldo?